Lessons Learned Linger in Laments or Lumination

What did we learn today?

Was it that Kim from the phone store help desk SUCKS at her job?

Was it that kids, generally, are far more annoying and grosser than we remember being when we were that age?

Was it that maybe green really isn’t your colour? I mean, it seemed fine when you put the dress on… But there’s only so many comparisons to looking like a giant booger running from the nose of previously mentioned children that you can hear before you start to question your taste in fashion.

That’s not even mentioning if there is something to be read in to there maybe being more to the comparison that just the colour. Which would be pretty harsh of the members of that particular mothers group if there was more to it…

But being compared to snot aside, what lessons could we take from the scenarios that we find ourselves in on a daily basis depend on how you feel about yourself and how you look at the world in general.

I can appreciate that sometimes my analogies go a bit… weird. I promise they make sense to me at least. But that’s kind of my point, and representative of they way we view the world.

That last snot based analogy is probably a great way to show that someone looks at the world fairly negatively. Admittedly it’s hard not to hear something like that and not take it negatively, but maybe it was never about us and our garment choices.

Maybe they were genuine observations about the last time said mothers group members have seen that particular colour of green?

Maybe they had a particularly rough morning with a sick child and, by extension, gross snot colour is on their mind? And they are tired and crabby and need to vent, and unfortunately, rather than yelling at their child, you get thinly veiled comments about your shirt. Cool, thanks Virginia. Your input is always appreciated when it comes from your own negative agenda.

But could we then look at our own feelings about why we give someone else’s crappy day the ability to influence ours. About a dress, or shirt, or whatever I’ve already called it.

How we interact with ourselves does the same thing.

If you got angry and said “Fuck off Virginia, you’re just upset because your husband is doing his secretary as we speak. AND she is way less attractive than you. What does that say about you?... Huh?” then you’ll probably not help the situation. And unlikely to feel much better about yourself for stooping to her level but waaay more brutally. I mean, she'd probably never say anything to you ever again. But is that really how you want to behave? Beating people at their own negative (though probably truthful) game?

Anyway, bit off tangent there. Got pretty into my analogies again…

The point is, if you DID do that, what lessons can you learn from it?

That you need to be brutal to protect yourself from people like that? Possibly causing you to wonder if that’s how you want to be and be known as?

That people are bitches and aren’t worth the trouble? Which is true, sometimes, but not as often as we might want to be believe it is.

That you are always the victim of this behaviour? That the universe is punishing you for nothing more than being who you are?

I’d argue that those are the more negative versions of lessons to be learned and reaffirmed from this particular scenario.

Are they true? Maybe. Maybe based on how life has been for you, this is just how things seem to be, and expecting it to be anything but just isn’t worth the time and effort. Best just deal with the shitty and grow thicker, more brutal shit-repelling skin and behaviours. Or work on that shit eating grin, if you don’t want (or think you can’t) to tell Virginia to fuck off.

But what if there are other lessons from it? What if, instead of being reactive or negative in our outlook, we started to look at things less personally, more objectively?

What if green really isn’t your colour? You’ve just been hanging on to that for some time because of that time you wore a different shade of green years ago and got hit on twice in one day? Maybe its time to let that go and look at what’s actually going on for you? Maybe your wardrobe does need an overhaul, its just that it took a bit of rough comment to bring that up.

What if Virginia is really struggling herself and the only way she feels like she can have power in her life is try and take it from someone else? What if, instead of taking her pain personally, you appreciate that maybe it’s a kind of cry for help and understanding? That she could really use a friend that doesn’t just feed those behaviours, but someone who actually understands what it can feel like to struggle? What if YOU get a friend out of it?

What if, and this is a long shot here, you decide to respond rather than react. What if you choose to ask Virginia what other suggestions she might have to change up your look, what accessories may take emphasis off the snot comparison, and see what she says? Give her an opportunity to be more constructive rather than destructive, AND show her (and more importantly, yourself) that looking at the world and the way we interact with it, doesn’t have to be the way it’s supposed to be laid out.

What if moments in life were opportunities rather than slaps in the face?

Okay, I will admit, sometimes they ARE just slaps in the face. Maybe Virginia really IS a colossal bitch who’s entire personality is entirely wired around ruling her own little petty kingdom with a well-manicured iron fist, and if she doesn’t, she literally gets no serotonin rolling in that noggin of hers.

BUT, even then, there’s something potentially positive to be taken from this.

You, in your green… thing you’re wearing, just got more experienced in how to not take things personally.

To not lower yourself to their level.

To acknowledge, control and direct your emotions into something that serves you, rather than play the power games of some bitch with an ugly child and a dodgy husband.

But again, this is about how you want to look at the world. These lessons present themselves to you based on what your current filters interpret the world as.

Is it a scary negative place that needs to be met with fear? Or anger? Or lawyers?

Is that view representative of your experience of life, and how you view yourself?

Or

Is it a place that responds to how you want to look at it, and you respond with compassion and growth and value?

Is that previous experience with life being challenging enough yet to realise you want something different for yourself, from yourself? Do you view yourself as someone who can have things happen differently?

Do we want to accept the negative things in life as just how things are? Do we WANT to be and stay negative tuned?

Do we want to have an opportunity to pick our interpretations of yourself and the world around you as something a little more valuable than just some stuff that happened?

How do we want to feel? Sometimes stuff that happens IS bad. But is that all there is to that moment/thing/event/bitch who said that thing to you?

All I’m trying to say is there’s value to be found in everything, no matter how sucky, IF you are prepared to look.

Do you want to look?

Be kind, be smart, be your best you. No bar fights.

“The text has disappeared under the interpretation” Friedrich Nietzsche